I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
