good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
