Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
