The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just cropdusted the office
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize