woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
