Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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