Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How's work?
Spinning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize