My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
too bad you live with your parents still
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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