she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
