we have pet lesbian snakes
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this will be a night to untag.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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