I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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