Ketchup is God's man juice
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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