You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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