dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
