Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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