how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
