Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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