If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
