vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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