You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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