Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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