she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
