maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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