Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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