do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
