We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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