Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
