They should really pass out barf bags in church
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
