so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
