I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
