Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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