You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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