jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
