got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
