and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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