yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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