i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How does it feel to date your dad?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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