so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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