he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
