i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
