We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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