Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
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If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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