im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
