Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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