OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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