So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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