i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
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No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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