Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
