I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
this will be a night to untag.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
