i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
