No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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