I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
