btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
