I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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