My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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