My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
