Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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