Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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