At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
