Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
