It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
