i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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