happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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