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Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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