4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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