Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
