I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
