Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
