I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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