Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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