I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
