just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
