if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
